I’m gunna get rich

This past Friday evening I went on a walk with my aunt. The usual, you know. On the walk, she and I began to discuss my future plans, career, life, etc. It did not take long for me to share, with her, what’s been on my heart lately. And that’s just it: my running mouth is exactly what I DON’T want her to get a load of…alas. I shared my remorse over these facts: my goals are self-centered, self-focused and self-absorbed. Even if I wanted to “write a book,” it’s be because I want to make money under some Christian-faced-help-others-with-self-help story. If I end up “finding a career that I love deeply,” I’d also want to make lots of money doing it so that I would feel like a success. Or if I traveled the globe photographing orphanages and interviewing philanthropists, the collection of portraits would, more or less, be dripping with my pursuit of self-gain. It is a sad truth, really, that the only plans I seem to have end up in the same place: obsessed with self or money. So who am I really serving? Myself or others? And, is there a quick fix for what feels like hopeless self-centeredness?

The answer for the above questions are no clear-cut or easily found. Perhaps it will take a long time or a great many more honest conversations with myself  and others in order to find a way to genuine servanthood. As much as I’d like to think that true selflessness is possible, there’s something this world tells me: there exists a closeness to that possibility but it’s not, easily, found or “acheieved.” In fact, I may be going about “acheiving” this end in the wrong way. Perhaps my goals will not begin, nor find their means in my “acheieving” whatsoever.  Perhaps I’ll make way toward servanthood with the help of these tools: changing my perspective, little bye little, each day, being rigorously honest with myself and others and being more gentle with myself.

Wouldn’t it be great if it reaching my potential were as easy as this song that’s been on “repeat” in my head lately:

“I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat” You may call it cheesy but I find it incredible how Selena Gomez just sketched-up these thoughtful and inspiring words on, perhaps, “love’s wings” alone. Am I missing something? Or should I just

“live a little” and the words and answers will then flow like a billboard hit 😉 ?

Hopefully this “heavier season” will, soon, pass. It’s fun to feel “upbeat” but, occasionally, the heavier things are just going to break wide open, too.

How do you find healthy balance between the “sillier” things in life and the “heavier” things in life?

2 responses

  1. It’s hard to balance silly things and heavy things. Sometimes you have to find the humor in the heavy things to get through them. Love you! ❤

    April 18, 2012 at 9:21 pm

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