how what people say impacts us…
Yesterday, I realized that I allow what people say really impact my behavior. It’s sad, really. But what’s hopeful is that I am beginning to recognize my unhealthy tendencies and not let me behavior, like eating my feelings or shaming myself, carry me away with others’ comments as a lousy excuse.
So here’s the deal…for the last two week, or more, I’ve allowed this lady at my office to affect, more or less, the way I behave. This lady does not know me well and I have tried to be kind to her despite her aloof behavior and eye-rolling my way. Really, I am not sure that I ever did anything to both her besides leaving crumbs in the hall or water drips in the breakroom floor. Three weeks ago, today, she stopped me in the hall with what appeared this cheeky grin to say “You’ve put on a lot of weight.” As she examined my frame, up and down, up and down again, her nods were confirming…”Oh YEAH, you have put on a lot of weight.” Smiling, trying to appear cheerful and unaffected I relied “Thanks!” and skipped off to grab my bag and head for my after-work appointment.
Despite my hopeful success of not giving this woman any inclination that her comments had affected me – positively-negatively-or-WHATSOEVER- for that matter –I could care less about her at that point: I was CRUSHED. How is this hurting little girl in my soul going to cope with the women’s comment?
Despite-of (NOT in spite-of) people’s comments, this lady want to live a new way! So the workouts and meals after such a comment were closely monitored…that is, I had to make EXTRA sure that a healthy perspective was the voice that BEAT OUT the nasty haunting voice of others’ comments. The truth it, I HAVE gained weight but no matter what other’s think, I have to live life and be grateful or else I’ll have nothing to offer others down the road. And THAT’s what I really want…to offer something special to someone else and not remain so focused on ME and what others think of ME. Who CARES how much I weigh!!!??! I can only hope that one day, I really will not care how much I weigh if I know what’s, truly, good for my soul.
Yes, there is a time and place for making sure I feed my body the proper nutrition for it’s needs, not over indulging or depriving my cells of the fuel they require, but I am talking about releasing myself from the deadly grips of feeling that my weight is = to my worth.
More importantly, if there’s something I have said to contradict what I mean, then remember: I certainly do not “know it all.” Don’t listen to me, listen to Him! You’re beautiful.
Happy Wednesday to you all! Love, Jasper